Feature: A silent whisper in the land of nobody - 2
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| Image source: DevianArt |
You haven't heard of anything yet, let me tell you that freeing yourself at the bush is a crime now. I know you've seen the KVIP, even your kid brother Mba Adamu Carpenter saw it, that one too is no longer accepted in our current world. If you see the machine that collect it now, you will die again with shock. The machine is built in a small room inside a bedroom. Can you imagine? Excreta. Bedroom. It sound weirdo. Huh! It's called WATER CLOSET.
Yet everyone is encouraged to build one in his room, even if it is a wattle or daubed or a single room like the one your watchman was using. This machine, you don't squat, you don't stand too. You only sit, relax while freeing yourself and afterwards the machine cleans you unlike how Mma Ajara, your third wife, used to clean herself with the cornhusk or the corn stick.
The most fascinating thing is, as we sit on this thing to free ourselves, we do it with our mobile phones. We continuously fidget with it. It is the best place to chat--talking with others on the other side--or Facebook. The days when you used to scold people for talking in bath room are over. Our mouths no longer talk much, unless the person belongs to your generation. We have sharpen our fingers to do the talking as we free ourselves comfortable in the small room in the bedroom.
Don't even think of closing your nose like you do to a public toilet. It doesn't smell. It only does when you eat a lot of unwanted food like yoghurt, fried eggs and beans products. Even these toilets are at places where selling and eating is done. And whenever it's provided at place, it's no longer called chop bar, rather called eatery or restaurant or food joint. Even the famous fufu chop bar around where they sell the sheep and goats, popularly known as Fadama had also changed its name to 'Amaaba Fufu Joint' after installing the machine. The machine is not far from what used to be your favorite seat. Imagine that!
These are called modernizations which bridges the gab between socializations. Understandable, your era of social media was a vibrant running around in a form of hide and seek, ampë, pilolo and hunter-gathering. There weren't as many forms of westernizing games as we have today. You know that. But it was fully embedded in the annals of African historical values. Things that reminded you of who you are, your communal values, and cultural identity.
You didn't know much about the West. So you didn't have to worry much. Today, westernization has taken over civilization. Can you recollect when we used to run around the round hut-building at Meteorological Service Department, what you people called 'saakarachi' (Rain Elite Community) to listen to telephone correspondences and will return with the most famous statement we had captured in the whole conversation in the form "control woha" and you gladly laughed at us? Now we know it was simply a phone. Yes, a phone!
You can then permit me to talk of the phones before I come to tell you a well known secret; a secret because it has all the semblance of a secret but in truism, everybody knows it. I've made mention of a phone. You might have used a phone, but the one you used is now as old as your twelve decades you spent on mother earth. You can't even trace the debris of that phone you used on the last day you copout.
Now, we have Iphone 8 produced by an American company called Apple (not the fruit), and Galaxy S8 by Samsung, a Korean company. You might have realized that I'm mentioning only 8s and not 1s. it started from 1s or somewhere before it got to this level. It is not only these companies, Motorola, a brand you know very well, is also in the race, though it is several centuries lagging behind its peers. Nokia is also dancing Damba in the race; reeling, gyrating and stooging. You know Damba is rhythmic, phlegmatic yet elicit a lot of energy from the dancer.
The phone you used never had a camera that can take a picture. Now they take pictures. They even take pictures from the front. We call it front camera. But it isn't only that, now you don't need to turn and twist the camera to take pictures. Now, wherever it faces, it can still take pictures anywhere and we called it 360 camera. It can see more clear, more rounder than our 180 degree eye strength and it's called PANORAMA.
So you see, some of them are now as big as your two palms combined. Some are even bigger. But don't be surprise, the world itself is increasing and changing rapidly. This category of phones is used by the slay queens. I will tell you about Slay queens later but let's conclude on the generational changes phones underwent with the folding screen of the new Samsung Galaxy phone which has been recalled due to problems it encountered. You know how we fold our clothes when we wash them, its the same way this phone can be folded.
Hhmm, when we thought we've seen it all, now it is not a crime for a man to enter onto another man's anus. This was not acceptable, right? Can you still remember the biblical story of Prophet Lot? HOMOSEXUALITY!!! Yes, homosexuality. I guess your mind might have traversed through series of bamboo-like thoughts to hacked out a suitable qualified name for this our generation. Don't bother much. I know you were an ardent listener of reggae music and one of the singer in similar search, said "we are in a crazy world." A perfect description.
Indeed, the world is crazy, the air is crazier and the humans are the craziest. As said earlier, civilization is an arduous task. True, it is. Oftener, I dreaded the morning I will wakeup to the slumber of the world as happened to the world of the Biblical Lot. The 'doings' that led to their destruction are the same 'doings' happening in this generation. Women are marrying women. This is also called LESBIANISM.
It is not only women who are marrying women, men are also marrying men. What is striking the most is how the women are able to do it as husbands do to their wives. They've a nice name for it. I know you will like too. They called it LGBTQ+. As for the men, it's not difficult to understand because some men even go through their wives anuses. Now, what was hidden has now become apparent. Countries are legalizing it. Even our President told the world "is bound to happen." So you can't even look at them like they are not normal again, not to talk of saying a word against them. Some say it's their human rights and others say it's not.
A lot of young persons are doing it. The boy from the house opposite our house, the one that used to play with Sadia, and you used to complain that he was always dressed and behaved like a lady, has joined the group together with Waasiu, Adison's third son. They have been initiated by some people who said they come from Nigeria. Even Waasiu's anus was reported to have lost control to handle fecal and was sent to the Wa Hospital for treatment. And you know that things don't stay at the corridors of Wa Hospital for long before it lands into the gossipy ears of the people in town. This is how I got to know. Everybody knows but no one talks. You see why I called it a secret.
Now that I've finished with the secret, let me tell you something about Sadia, Mba Salia's daughter. The one whose naming ceremony brought a lot of brouhaha at the community social gathering center, where a good number of us called "Jangu"--traditional meeting place. Before I talk of Sadia, let me en passant this to your ears, so that you can also whisper it to Mba Adamu Carpenter and his younger brother Mba Yaaya who had copout a bit earlier.
Our traditional meeting place have been upgraded. There are two ceiling fans, two bulbs, a few benches and rubber chairs that we sit on during meetings. It has been painted white with black lacing the under of the walls. You were there when the roof was replaced with Iron zinc and well sawn timber replacing the ancient style of logs, rubrics of wood and padded with heavy sand on top. What you people were accustomed to is no more. You can relate this development to Mba Yaaya, and your own Papa, Nnabaali Maamani.
They didn't even know Sadia, neither have they heard of her. If you had known that Sadia would've become a slay queen, then you would've named her Slay Queen from the onset. I can sense you writhing on your comfortable chair, even though no discombobulation emanate from it. You are only contorting to the names you've never heard before you copout. It wasn't your fault. Let's all place it on civilization. It is cruel, wicked, and barbaric and at the same time fascinating, sensitive, and astonishing.
A Slay Queen is a lady that take pictures of herself in seminude and at the extreme, nude pictures and place them on these 'so-called' social media to attract attention of viewers. They gain their fame by the number of people who views her pictures. And they used the fame to rake in wealth. I know you wouldn't have watched them openly, even if you had wanted to watch, but you 'kooko' infected eyes wouldn't have allowed you.
Anyways, not everybody watches them. I'm one of those who doesn't watch. I know you are not surprise because I have personified my African traditional values. This is scarce in the embodiment of Sadia and her friends. Sadia has been taken pictures of all sort, some with crooked legs like a tree forced through different cultures when growing, others, the tongue will come out like a chameleon trying to catch an insect on it side, many more with a corroborated lorgnette, bigger than the one Mbobokala of Key soap concert party used to wear and her leggings as frustrated as the pudgy out legs wearing it.
I can't tell, whether their tops that couple these pictures are as horribly or disgusting as thought. But they weren't as nice as the costume of our grandmothers' farm costume. Her last picture that was taken behind someone's 2019 Camry model was something worth a watch. I don't know whether it was a mistake or deliberate, her breast, which looks bloated like the bofrot of the old Ashanti woman called Ama Serwaa--who used to sell it in front of Wa Adonis Cinema hall--were exposed to the prying eyes of her viewers.
You know one interesting that beat my imagination was how her viewers took her to the cleaners. This surprised us. It was ludicrous too. Her patrons teased at the nature of the breast on her chest. This nearly led her to mental derailment. However, like any wannabe yuppie, she is a master of the quick fix, and make-it-to-the-top by any means. She wanted to be yuppie. So it wasn't her portion--her morality was self-improve and self-distruct.
But the sorrying aspect is Aisha, the daughter of your abandoned lover. You will be disappointed what she subjected Aisha to or Aisha becoming a mosaic of her. I will tell you that later after I tell you what happened to your favorite seat behind the house in the next writeup. Let me fill you in on Aisha's voluptuous body that she's using to lure both men and women alike to herself. Her boobs has taken the shape of a smaller calabash while her butt shudder even when standing.
Her recently developed shape has raised a lot of concern for both men and women alike. Some say her properties are naturally built like her mum but others believe she has gotten it artificially. Don't ask if it can be gotten artificially? Yes, it can. Now everything is possible. Now people can buy bodies (identities) from the hospital if they are not content with what was originally given to them by God. Even now, we have penises and vaginas that are not in human bodies. So you see everything is possible in the world now? I don't expect you to be surprised if you hear that her butts aren't her own.
But for that we don't know yet. However what is known is the threat of these boobs' and butts' threat to domestic insecurities between both couples and non couples whenever she appeared on Instagram shaking her boobs and butts. She's even gain national recognition for her assets. Yes! They call her too a Slay Queen. You won't even believe she was that innocent girl we cuddled to stop crying whenever her mum goes to fetch water at the dam by the road.
Permit me to conclude here. But have you welcomed your best friend, Lagos-man? He recently joined the copout family two days ago. Hhmm! I wished I could tell you how he was laid in his grave. Very decent departure for a gentle soul that left us sad. Just like that. Same way left us. No warning sign, no sickness and no ailment too. Remember how strong he was? Yet he couldn't care for himself at that moment. This gives credence to your statement that you need people at your beginning (when you're a baby) and when the sun is setting (old age and death).
I know this is too much to juxtapose. So let me end here.
By Al LATIF Kambo-Na
Read Also: A silent whisper to the land of nobody
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